i miss toddly. i'm having a serious i-miss-toddly day. woke up with sadness because of the heartbreaking view from my deck and it made me think of him. the l.a. skyline in the 5am light. that was something he showed to me first. everything we shared was always so special and, yet, fleeting, that i wrapped up each day and held it close. it's like each time we seperated part of me knew it might be the last. the strangest part - irony at work - is the last time we did say goodbye, i didn't feel panic. it was one of those undone sundays of hanging out and planning nothing-much-at-all when he suddenly announced he had to catch a plane. i remember feeling the scruff on his face and his cheek press against mine with a kiss. i remember smelling cigarettes on his jacket. i remember the feel on his hand on my shoulder as he leaned in and whispered i'll see you in two weeks, baby.
that was sixteen years ago and i can still feel his whispery breath in my ear.